No More Christmas Music!

It’s been weeks since I’ve done a music post. I need a little musical mouthwash to cleanse the palate of the aftertaste of Christmas music. I swear if Burl Ives were alive today I’d punch him in the nose for ever making a Christmas album. Have a holly jolly Christmas, my ass.

So I was just in my local Food Lion picking up some beer and I heard this song over their system. Every time I shop there I hear something groovy. Back in high school when I worked in Wal-Mart we only had orchestral muzak, which drove a younger teenaged version of me out of his mind. I suspect the manager of the Food Lion is a fellow Gen-Xer with similar musical tastes to mine, a fact which kinda makes me sad in some ways. I can picture a Zach Braff movie about this Food Lion manager entering middle age filled with angst because life hasn’t dealt him the hand he thought it would. Maybe I should get to work on the screenplay.

Anyway, this is the song that was playing, by the band Keane. I know nothing about them, but immediately remembered hearing the song on the radio 10 or so years ago and that I liked it. I came home and googled they lyrics, and voila! Here it is:

As I’ve done with past musical posts I’m going to let Youtube’s algorithms pick the next song for me based on what it recommends in the sidebar. No surprise it picked Coldplay, obvious similarities here with the previous song. But I do like Coldplay, and I’ve always liked this song in particular. Here’s The Scientist.

Youtube’s computers picked this one next. I guess because it contains a piano. Or something. This song seems a little too smug and self important to me. The lyrics sound like they were culled from Self Help for Dummies. This is The Fray with How to Save a Life.

Oh boy, Youtube struck out this time. Big fat zero. They were headed downhill after the first one, which I guess is what happens when you start off with a schmaltzy radio pop one hit wonder. Nowhere to go but down. All of the songs they suggested sucked. Snow Patrol? Um, don’t think so, thanks. So I had to hit shuffle on my brain and think of something to play next. Which led me to Cracker. Because to paraphrase this song, what the world needs now is another Christmas album like I need a hole in my head. Plus I’ve always liked this song, and the video with Dave and the boys hanging out with cows on an old farm and tear-assing around on dirt bikes is just kinda cool.

Youtube redeemed itself and offered some better choices this time. Here’s one I can live with. The Butthole Surfers with Pepper.

I couldn’t pass this one up. The Flys were a one hit wonder. This song is just so angsty and self-important. Then it breaks into the weird rappy part in the middle. But the video has so much to offer, like the very interesting slow motion running scene with the former Mrs. Tom Cruise. This is forgettable mass produced late-90’s post-grunge radio fodder at its finest.

Here’s another in the same vein. Am I supposed to take them seriously? They seem to be taking themselves pretty seriously. I think the kindest thing I can say about this is it sounds a little like Kid Rock and there is twerking involved. Which is not a compliment.

Well now I’ve reached an impasse. Do I keep going with songs so bad they’re amusing? Or do I try to find something that doesn’t suck? I’ll let my choice speak for itself. This is a more recent example, but it’s so awful that it’s kinda good. What’s not to love about a song celebrating the biggest black ass the dude’s ever seen? Priceless. I get the impression this guy wants to be Freddy Mercury REALLY badly. Except not dead.

On the theme of dudes who would really like to be Freddy Mercury, we have Aaron Behrens of Ghostland Observatory. He’s the one in the white pants with braids. The other dude always wears a cape for some unknown reason. They’re weird but I like them. It always amazes me that only two people can make music that contains so much noise. Computers.

So I’m going to end with another video that is just completely over the top, and appears to take itself way too seriously. This band is weird, but they’re German, so that comes with the territory, I suppose. This video reminds me of a Guy Ritchie movie. With a dose of Michael Bay, including people walking in slow motion away from an explosion. So bad it’s kinda good.

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